THIS IS AN EMAIL SENT TO ME FROM MY DAUGHTER, jILL, THE DAY AFTER HER BELOVED FEN WAS RETURNED TO HER! I will have more to say on this subject later in the week!!
"i still cant sleep.. i'm so exhausted, but still i cant sleep.
fen is the same as she always is when she gets back from being free out there. she stays in her room for about a week at night, but after that shes sleeping with me again. she lays on my legs.. she dreams vividly and practically runs in her sleep, so i have to shove her a lot, she stops for a second then starts it again.. all night long.. thats one of the many things i was desperately wanting to feel again, and terrified of living without, and her steaing my seat, and the way she plays with her bones i'm so proud of her for becoming who she these days.. shes come SOOOOO far from the animal she once was.. i'm thankful to basil for being kind to her.. open a car door and shes in like the wind.. the guard dog thing never would have worked out anyway. i know she may look scary, but she's shy and skittish and will only attack if she feels shes being threatened.. she has also come a long way with little dogs, shes made great friends out of at least 2 little dogs so far.. jans little dog and a little stray yorkie i had for a day.. she plays like a puppy with them.. its not little dogs that she doesnt like, its little dog attitude that a lot of them have.. if ANY dog is cool with her FIRST, she will be cool with them, but she always waits for them to make the first move.. its the same with people.. if people are gentle, slow and kind with her she warms up.. she hates strangers touching her feet, but when i'm with her she will allow them to clip her toenails.. i hate touching her feet because i know they are extremely sensitive to her, but she always always me to do whatever i need to do to her.. she trusts me like she trusts no one else, i step on her all the time when i'm getting up from the couch and she doesnt even move because she knows i will never actually STEP on her.. i always feel her first before i put any weight on her. if anyone else touches her when shes sleeping like that she jumps up and away, but she hasnt bit anyone for years.. shes given warnings a few times to people when they're doing something she doesnt like, but shes not an aggressive dog.. she really isnt. she never was.. and she has NEVER been aggressive towards me at all.. not even a growl.. i'm the only person she will not even bark at when shes playing.. she whines and whimpers to me, but thats about it.. she was just misunderstood. she still is not a FRIENDLY dog, not a come up and lick your face wagging her tail kind of dog, but shes not aggressive. shes a "i dont really care, just take me for a walk" dog... thats her happy thing.. walks and rides.. she does give me tiny licks every now and then on the face, but those are few and far between.. she smacks me in the face every morning when she thinks its time for me to get up and give her a walk.. its cute, but it hurts.. i missed that too. if given a chance i know she would have left basil's and went back to your house, but she knows her home is here, as boring as it is here for her. she would roam around forever if she could.. thats when shes happiest.. i mean slide on the floor jump around the room happy.. when she knows shes going for a walk... she likes to have company on her walks though.. if i'm just sitting at the creek with her, she stays by me, she wont wonder off too far, but as soon as i stand up shes ready to go some more.. theres no way i would have ever let her run off a leash like i do now years ago... she used to FREAK out in cars as well, but now shes calm and stays in the back as long as she has her head out the window shes all good.. as for prayers.. i never once said prayers didnt work.. i was angry because thats ALL people were offering.. not many people actually HELPED.. i prayed too.. i prayed to her. i promised her if she would just come back to me, just BE here with me again, i would take her for a walk every day and not complain about it.. i begged, pleaded and went insane.. she answered my prayer and i intend on keeping my promise until the day she dies FAAAAAR in the future.. it wasnt time yet.. i was not ready at all. as for the biscuits, i guarantee you she was eating them because she was starving. as soon as she gets back to being spoiled she will ignore them like she does every other starchy food.. not that that mattered, just thought i'd throw that in.. shes not a dog biscuit kind of girl.. shes a red meat girl.. white meat she will eat sometimes after she plays with it for a while.. thats really cute too.. she does the same thing with her bones.. out of the blue she'll just go to one of her bones and act like a pony.. she will also cover her face with her paw when i'm loving on her too much, like a little kid would do to its mom... thats very cute as well. its not very often when she seeks ME out for attention (usually i'm the one tracking her down to give her hugs and kisses) but when she does its the most adorable thing ever on earth.. most of the time she just tolerates my hugs and kisses until she cant take it anymore then she leaves.. but if i havent paid enough attention to her for a while (usually when i'm the computer) she will walk back and forth under the desk around my feet pushing on my legs, until i stop and love on her.. she is VERY much like a child in a lot of ways, and like a preteen/teenager in others. she is not a dog to me in any way, other than she has 4 legs and fur.. we communicate with each other and we understand each other in a way thats just not possible with a dog.. she also knows she has me wrapped me around her little toe, and she uses it whenever it suits her, but she also always does what i ask of her, she may protest for a second or two, but she gives in.. like with baths.. i used to have to drag her kicking and screaming to the tub and wrestle her to stay IN.. now she tries to run and pull away when she reads my mind and knows we're going to the bathroom, but once we get in the bathroom.. i just have to give her a shove towards the tub and she jumps in and stays in. everything about her is precious, even her cornchip smelling feet and fur that falls off constantly, her undercoat is pretty much gone now since i've been brushing it since it the beginning of spring, but she will continue to shed FOREVER winter, summer spring fall.. and i dont mind any of it at all.. i wasn't ready to let it go yet... simply was not ready. i dont think i ever will be, but THIS was NOT the time.. i love her for all that she always has been, for all that shes become and for all that we've become together.
i guess i should try to go to sleep now.. hopefully sleep will actually come this time. i love you.. i hope you sleep well and have a wonderfully fabulous day today.. i'm going to sleep for 18 hours :) "
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